By Rachel Kamangira
‘ Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation ‘ Psalms 42:5
Worship brought me to give my life to God. I remember that moment vividly, it was the first time I truly let myself go within his presence. Everything around me wasn’t in existence anymore and it was entirely God and me. The peace and joy I felt was beyond expression and I knew I wanted no other life than to be in this constant state… but Christianity is much more difficult than that where there is lack of substance (constantly seeking Him in prayer and in his word). With temptation comes sin. The one thing that follows an act of sin is guilt, it is in this state of mind that anyone can feel unworthy and struck by fear with an inability to follow his word and seek him. At a moment where I felt furthest from him, paralysed by the conviction that I had wondered too far from Him my gift of poetry was reignited after a long 4 years. I was standing on the train home when my playlist shuffled to a song I had heard countless times “No Longer Slaves”, but it came at a moment when I was exhausted of seeking fulfilment where I could not find it. In that moment I decided to open my heart to Him, start my journey to him just as I did the first time I knew him. As I listened to the song, I felt something completely different, I felt his reassurance and love in his word. Before I knew it, I was sat on the train floor writing the poem below. I was in a familiar state to us all, doubt. My expressions were raw, I can be frank with Him. The purpose of the poem is to encourage you to seek him in all situations, especially when you feel yourself drifting away from him. His words and love for you are timeless and carry a magnitude of hope.
I found myself drowning as I panicked to find you,
Even when I was told you had your hand stretched out toward me.
The weight of doubt, guilt of sin pulled me deeper into despair,
If only I knew then, that your love has no limits,
That your Grace is for all your children.
I asked myself, “How can He see me, how can He still want me?”
If only I had listened to the calm of your reassurance when you said,
“Pray and seek my face, turn from your wicked ways.
I will hear from heaven and I will forgive your sin…”
I would have let go of the weights of the world around my ankles,
Broken through the sea of despair back into your arms.
No longer a slave to the fears of this world.
‘if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land. ‘ 2 Chronicles 7:14
“For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.” Romans 6:14